Phandypus & Friends

Phandypus & Friends is the first story arc of the Affliction Campaign. It focuses on the misadventures of Lint, the gnome rogue and the strange dwarven family known as The Goldfish, early in their travels they come across a strange lizardfolk named Xilunwa, on the run from a far off land.

Summary
A dark criminal version of D&D 5E - Lost Mines of Phandelver; Involves the story of a dwarf and a gnome and their giant platypus (phandypus) as they peddle their illegal wares and bash their head against problems. Failing in escorting their employer safely to Phandalin, they proceed to take over a goblin cave and set it up as an operation, eventually they return to town to find their cart stolen by the townmaster who they beat the shit out of. The next morning they are asked by the friendly barkeep and a renegade Neverwinter guard to save some children and eliminate the Red Hooded Bandits who have taken over the town. After getting their asses kicked they take on the bandit forces in their own hideout, suffering heavy losses, a new member of the Goldfish clan replaces Garls and the lizardfolk Xilunwa meets the party... then dies.

NPCs

 * Billy the Phandypus
 * Gundren Rockseeker
 * Kiki Lonehunt (Female Goliath Barbarian)
 * Hank Thork
 * Toblen Stonehill
 * Harbin Wester (Townmaster)
 * Elakel (Red Hood)
 * Glasstaff (Leader of the Red Hoods, Wizard)
 * Yeemik (Goblin)
 * Klarg (Bugbear)
 * Jamie Gem Eye (Bugbear)

Locations

 * Phandalin (and the Redbrand Hideout)
 * Triboar Trail (Between Neverwinter and Phandalin)
 * Cragmaw Hideout (Goblin Operation, outskirts of Phandalin)
 * Thornhold Keep (Home of the Goldfish Clan, has seen better days)

Deaths

 * Many Goblins (one in particular on the Triboar Trail)
 * Klarg (Bugbear)
 * 3 Bugbears; including Jamie Gem-Eye
 * The Wizard, Glasstaff (killed alone by Xilunwa)
 * Norbert the Nothic
 * 8 Redbrands (Humans); including Bert and Ed
 * 3 Skeleton Guards
 * Garls Goldfish (now a Blueflame Ghost)
 * Xilunwa of the WuJen (quickly reincarnated)

Loot

 * Cloak of Protection (Lint)
 * Dagger +1 (Lint)
 * Alchemy Jar (Wonderous Item, given by Toblen to Garls, then inherited by Lint)
 * The Cookbook (Wonderous Item, contains the soul of Garls Goldfish)
 * The Glasstaff (Wonderous Item)

Key Moments

 * The conflict of showing a goblin mercy on the Triboar Trail between Garls and Lint. Ending in Lint killing the goblin giving it a quick death after its treatment from Garls.
 * The recruitment of Yeemik and the establishment of your first Gargle Operation; The death of Klarg.
 * Teaching the Goliath words in common such as: "Help", "Hole", "Jump", "Fuck!", "Friend", "Kill".
 * The physical approach to Harbin the Townmaster and strong arming him into making the party "sheriffs".
 * The kindness of Toblen, his gifts, and his grief over his missing niece and nephew.
 * Hank's strange approach to the law and his greater purpose hinted at involving Neverwinter.
 * The relationship between man and beast, Garls and Billy (who has disappeared) and Lint and Rieg (mouse).
 * Garls receiving a Alchemy Jar and the importance that has to him and his family.
 * The death of Garls and the part Lint played in the dwarf's slow and awkward death.
 * The death of Xilunwa following her first meeting with the party, resurrected by the strange nothic known as Norbert resurrecting her at the cost of its own life.

Recap
On their first night in Neverwinter, Garls found himself tied up in a storage house of a local gang, trapped in a cage on the far side of the room was a rare local creature known as a phandypus. Looking tired and ragged, the creature had likely spent its entire short life in this dark room. Trusting the massive beast not to hurt him, Garls and the phandypus (who he began to call 'Billy'), escaped the hideout and rode through the streets of Neverwinter. A cautious beast, Billy is still getting used to his new friends and the strange outside world.

Day 1 - Triboar Trail, Road to Phandalin
The trio had just taken a job from the dwarf Gundren Rockseeker and were following behind him on the Triboar Trail, the road between Neverwinter and Phandalin. They are guarding a cart of supplies and are accompanied by a tall hooded figure who silently walks besides their cart. Eventually they come across the bodies of two horses and are ambushed by goblins. After a quick battle, the hooded figure reveals herself to be a mysterious barbarian Goliath woman who doesn't speak a word of common and very little dwarvish, they continue to Phandalin where they are told to meet the fat and stubborn Townmaster, Harbin Wester.

Harbin denies them entry into Phandalin and implies he suspects them of foulplay involving the now missing Gundren. He does however offer to keep an eye on their cart while they go on their rescue mission. Turning back down the Triboar Trail they find one of the unconscious goblin left behind from their earlier fight. Garls and the goliath interrogate him and discover the way to their hideout and possibly Gundren. Meanwhile, responding to the harsh treatment of the goblin, Lint and Garls get into a heated exchange and tussle over a campfire as Lint tries to defend the goblin. Things had gone to far and Lint decides to shows mercy to the goblin by ending its pain.

While travelling to the goblin hideout they encounter a large pitfall trap, seeing it before they triggered it they attempt to sneak around it and decide to tie up Billy. However the phandypus goes into an immediate panic state seeing the rope and begins to charge towards the trap, reacting to the charging beast Lint creates an illusion turning the phandypus back down the road towards Phandalin, eventually hiding behind the trees along the path. Feeling the need to continue, Garls shouts to the phandypus to meet them back at town as they depart to the goblin hideout.

Continuing their journey into the goblin hideout they use stealth and deception to sneak past the front guards. Upon entering the cave they see several wolves chained to the cave wall, Garls a lover of nature and wildlife succeeds in calming the hungry animals and even earning their trust. They are released and the sound of wolf snarls and goblin squeals tells the party the hungry pack found a meal. In the room guarding by wolves a chimney climbs upwards, Lint being a nimble gnome rogue climbs up and sees a massive bugbear barking orders at his goblin lackeys. Narrowly being seen the gnome descends down the chimney only to come crashing down.

Turing up the cave they pass by a blonde haired human surround in a roomful of goblins and a lone sentry looking bored at the top of a bridge. Climbing behind the goblin Lint takes it out quietly as they make their way up the tunnel. When they fight the next room the goblins make attempt to break a dam wall and rush the players with water, they fail to do so, however Garls does not. With a glint of chaos in his eye he pulls the last stone to see his little companion washed out the mouth of the cave, only to make his walk of shame back.

Entering the room of the bugbear, the great beast announces himself to be Klarg and orders his guards to attack the intruders, the party is quickly overwhelmed and one-by-one they each fall only to pick themselves up again. As the goliath and Klarg barely held each other off, Lint was able to overtake the guards as Garl deals a final fatal blow to the bugbear. They gather the looted supply chests bearing the crest of a Lion on a Shield and find a Golden-Eyed Jade Frog Statue on Klarg's body.

Eliminating the main threat with little information to go off of, they return down the tunnel to the room with the strange human and horde of goblins. Getting a closer look the party can tell the human is a hostage and that these are the last goblins in this cave who would know anything about Gundren. As the fighting breaks out, and three of the six goblins are quickly killed in the entrance of the tunnel, a scrappy goblin who appears to be their commander cries for a "Truce!" as he holds a knife to the humans throat and begins negotiating.

The scrappy goblin goes by the name of Yeemik, and is pleased to learn that he is now in command of the goblin hideout after the party has shown him Klarg's head. Yeemik quickly informs the party that Klarg received his orders from someone in a nearby castle somewhere in the wilds surrounding Phandalin. He shows the party a letter he had lifted off of Klarg, reading:"'Lord Albrek, My spies in Neverwinter tell me that strangers are due to arrive in Phandalin. They could be working for the dwarves. Capture them if you can, kill them if you must, but don’t allow them to upset our plans. See that any dwarven maps in their possession are delivered to me with haste. I’m counting on you, Iarno. Don’t disappoint me.' ((Signed with a Black Spider Symbol))"Now that they had a lead on the possible whereabouts of their dwarven employer the conversation quickly turned to business as Yeemik and his comrades express a strong desire to work in exchange for the addictive concoctions that Garls made he called Gargles. Passing a vial of bright dust known as Orange Spice, or just Spice, the goblins begin to bounce quickly up and down and begin talking in strange fast-short statements. They agree on a deal for every two gargles they sell, they earn one as payment. They await their first supply shipment.

Almost forgetting the human during their backdoor business deals with murderous goblins, the party escorts the man back to Phandalin and learn that his name is Hank Thork, a soldier who was hired by Gundren to escort him to Phandalin. He also is a loyal member of the Lords' Alliance, an organization that upholds the law, including among other things, finding and imprisoning those who participate in the dark market. However, because you rescued him he agrees to turn a blind eye as long as you didn't peddle your wares to humans. Suggesting a drink and a warm bed he takes you to the Stonehill Inn.

Quickly upon arriving to Phandalin the party can tell it is a town that is both quaint and corrupt. In the town square, open streets, and warm street lamps they can see a small simple town, however in between the alleys and taverns are red hooded members of a local gang and a greed that controls the city. When Hank and the friendly barkeep Toblen Stonehill first meet they both offer hospitality to the party with rooms and information, warning them about the Harbin the Townmaster. This kindness was repaid shortly afterwards when Lint stole 6 sp from Toblen.

Following the directions given to them they take a short walk towards the Townmaster's Hall, arriving they were told by a snobby impatient man sitting at a desk in the front room that the Townmaster wasn't in and asked them if they had an appointment. He then sends them to an abandon manor on a hill above Phandalin, frustrated by the runaround they make enough of a ruckus that some red-hooded thieves emerge from below the ruins. They pass off their last Boom Drop to the red hood who tells them that the Townmaster likes to lie to people and pretend to be his assistant just to avoid people, they quickly return to the Townmaster's Hall to find the door locked and a sign claiming that the Townmaster had left town on emergency business.

Bursting the door down they find Harbin the Townmaster hiding behind his desk and he quickly runs inside his office, after destroying that door and smacking him around he confesses to his identity and that he sold off the cart to the thieves. Demanding payment for their cart, they shatter his knee and take his gold, before leaving they demand to become Townmasters of Phandalin. Harbin tells them Phandalin is a democratic society that votes each year on who their leader is, fearing more abuse he does offer them the position of "sheriff". They return to bed for a deserved nights rest.

Day 2 - Stonehill Inn, Phandalin
Garls awakens to find his newly acquired gold frog to be missing from his embrace, he immediately suspects his sticky fingered gnome friend. However, Lint convinces himself to be true after allowing Garls to search his room and Garls gets sentimental over a note that Lint appears to have held on to. Garls, despite being a young dwarf, suddenly feels old and vulnerable for the first time in his life.

While Garls searches Lint's room, the gnome heads downstairs and finds Toblen and Hank in the middle of an excited exchange, seeing the gnome come down the stairs they waste no time asking if the party would assist in stopping the threat of the red-hooded thieves who control Phandalin and hopefully finding Toblen's niece and nephew who were coming to live with their uncle from Neverwinter.

In this moment Hank reveals himself to not be such a "good cop", he claims to be only in Phandalin as punishment from his superiors and that he needs to resolve these matters as quickly as possible for something far more important going on back in Neverwinter. He doesn't care what the two adventurers do or sell as long as they help him complete his assignment.

Part way through this discussion, the Red Hoods enter the tavern and begin to pressure and demand to see Garls. At first they seem to be just in search of more boom drops, however it becomes clear that they mean to take Garls, willing or not, for their own benefit and at the request of the Townmaster. Before things escalate however, the thieves are persuaded to leave and the party agrees to Hank and Toblen that they will do what they can to help them for a healthy payout.

Things take a turn for the worst as the party heads to the Sleeping Giant, a dirty and rough tavern at the bottom of the road leading up to the manor. A dwarven barmaid seems to be watching the adventures as they approach and four bandits confront them, things quickly escalate and though the party is able to defeat one of the bandits they are knocked unconscious, the goliath barbarian was able to pick up Lint and take him to safety but the red hoods took Garls captive.

Following tracks up to the manor, Lint and the goliath head down into the cellar of the abandon manor ruins, they find a dark room and hear voices on the other side talking about how easy the fight earlier had been. In a oddly trusting move, Lint knocks on the door and negotiates with the Red Hoods, they agree to release the dwarf but they would have 24-hours to pay 200 gp or else they would sell the lot of them off into slavery. After release, Garls confirms that a young boy tended to his wounds while in his cell, likely Toblen's nephew.

Wasting little time they head back to the Stonehill Inn, recognize the dire situation Hank agrees to come along and Toblen gives them his family heirlooms, begging the party to use them to rescue his niece and nephew, Lint receives a feather light blue cloak while Garls receives a Alchemy Jug. This gift has a profound effect as he recognizes it to be the same Jug his cherished Grandpa Grim would call "Me Moonshine".

Rested, rejuvenated, reinforced, and rewarded early from Toblen, the party returns to the bandit hideout to rescue his family. Upon entering they find the thieves from earlier overconfident and sleeping, striking while they slept they made quick work of two-of-the-three bandits as Lint kept one alive. In another moment of conflict, Garls attempts to kill the bandit but Lint is too quick and protects the man and interrogates him. The party finds and puts on red hoods to disguise themselves.

His name is Elakel and in a strange sing-song manner he reveals the name of the leader of the Red Hoods to be a spellcaster by the name of "GLAAAASSSS STAAAAFFF" (Glass Staff), the leader had put a strange spell upon all of the thieves that whenever they spoke his name they would instead sing it. Elakel tells them the quickest way to the prisoners is through the crypts to the north. Lint offers the man their only healing potion and Elakel and the party depart peacefully. Heading towards the crypt they encounter a pitfall and struggle with some rope, eventually they open two large doors decorated with angels, inside is a crypt.

Upon approaching the doors on the opposite side of the crypt the three sarcophagi open and skeleton guards rise and stare at Lint who stands alone in the crypt as the others wait by the door. The skeletons seem transfixed by the red hoods the character wore. Lint unsure of these skeleton guards points at one as says "Help" pointing at the skeleton, moments later the Goliath comes charging into the enemy. The skeletons come alive and quickly two have surrounded Lint, who is badly wounded. However, the party were able to defeat the enemy looting a platinum ring from their grave.

With two doors ahead of them, they chose the door headed north, expecting the worst they are underwhelmed by a short hallway turning towards another door to the right. Again, they open this door extremely cautious to find nothing but an empty room that turns out to be a well supplied armory. Clearly the redhoods were planning something big. Nothing appears to be gnome sized and they turn back to explore the other door.

Allowing their caution to relax, Garl's opens this door and is immediately attacked by two redhooded bandits who had heard this fight with the skeletons outside their room and had prepared for these intruders. With two quick stabs to each of his sides Garls is left in great pain standing in the doorway. Charging to his side the Goliath stands over him attacking the bandits as the two redhoods bicker between themselves, blaming each other for being put in this position.

In a moment the gnome rogue with never forget, he came to assist Garls as he always had but this time something was different, he slipped on blood in the crowded doorway and fell forward into his wounded caretaker stabbing him in the back. Garls collapses in the doorway at the hands of Lint. The two redhooded bandits, who by now have revealed themselves to be Bert and Ed, think they are winning the battle only to be swiftly dealt with by the party members. Though Lint became distracted by their banter, he was beginning to start to like the two bandits, the Goliath showing no mercy impales the talkative rogues. Losing himself in the moment, Lint forgets about his dying friend and mentor, while checking on the state of Bert and Ed. It wasn't until he hears the last word of Garls: "You disappoint me..." that the gnome turned to see the Goliath kneeling over his dead friend, his arm stretched out towards the Lint but his head turned away in his final moment of disgust.

Garls was gone.

Everything hit Lint at once, the sound of crying children and the empty feeling himself, the goliath, and even Hank all felt all happened suddenly. Realizing that these kids were Toblen's niece and nephew they had been sent to save, Lint quickly pops open the locks and releases the children. Hank taking action, offers to rush Garls away to the nearby city of Neverwinter where the dwarf could have a chance at resurrection. As Lint fumbled with Garls' things to lighten the load for Hank he picked up The Cookbook that Garls had always kept on his person at all times, as he opens it however it turns to ash.

The party splitting as Lint and the goliath head back to the tavern. A somber reunion between Toblen and his family as the loss of Garls continues to sink into the party member's hearts. As Lint stumbled up to bed, he found the note that Garl's had written to him before they had left the tavern:"'Ye cant prebbly red dis, bert i der apprcate all deh hep ye give me, I joost wented to say thanks eeven thoo I'm an arse.'""- Doctor Garls Goldfish, Killer of Klarg, (Co-)Sheriff of Phandalin, Firm Walker"Lint had always been frustrated by Garls, at times he had even hated him, but the dwarf had raised him and protected him after finding him by the side of the road following the attack on his parents. He was the closest thing to a parent that Lint had ever had. Garls was never the adventurous type, he hadn't of wanted to come to Phandalin, but Lint had talked him into it coming and now he was gone. As sleep began to overtake the exhausted gnome he remembered the large family that Garls had always talked about and wondered if he would ever get the chance to meet them. However little did he know, little comes down to chance when dealing with goldfish. He fell asleep, softly petting the golden frog statue he had stolen from his lost companion just the night before.

Day 3 - Death of a Goldfish, Phandalin
Not too far away in Thornhold Keep, the Cookbook of Garls reappears in an eruption of blueflame upon the mantle in a main room. Sighing as he gets up and walks over to the still smoldering book a elderly, yet muscular, dwarven wizard grabs the cookbook and begins to pack for Phandalin.

Lint and Kiki awaken still saddened by the loss of their companion at the hand of the Red Hoods, they are given little time to mourn as quickly the tavern that Toblen left in Lint's hands becomes overwhelmed with patrons who demand quick service. Lint is luckily rescued by Toblen's fiery wife and the two adventurers head towards the mansion.

The dwarven wizard had arrived in the town of Phandalin that morning and had been pointed towards the mansion by the barmaiden who had witnessed the brawl between the party and the Red Hoods earlier, in the ruins above the bandit hideout the dwarf and gnome first meet and though they recognize each other from their time spent in Thornhold there is hesitation between the old dwarf and the young gnome. Eventually the dwarf is revealed to be Bami Magics, the eldest of one of the five families within the Goldfish Clan, the party agree to work together and attempts to again take down the bandit camp.

The party finds the front half of the hideout silent and abandoned, it wasn't until they made their way through a large and central underground cavern did they find something, or more accurately something found them, a strange dangerous looking creature with a large piercing green eye approaches the party. It is a nothic that calls itself "Norbert" and looks within Lint's soul seeing the death of Garls hanging over the gnome, it speaks its strange voice into the parties head begging for meat and asking to taste and feel them.

However, despite the strangeness of this carnivorous nothic, the party keeps their cool and convinces it to help them clear the rest of the hideout promising it all the meat it can kill along the way. Again the party cautiously continues to explores the rest of the hideout, taking out a group of Red Hoods with their guard down playing a game called 'Pray to the Eight'

Heading south the party hear three loud voices barking strange orders at a small creature that seems to be whimpering, opening the door there stand three Bugbears berating a poor goblin who faints upon the party's appearance. The largest Bugbear, clearly the leader judging by the jeweled eye-patch he wore over one eye, ask the intruders what the hell do they want.

Lint taking charge of the conversation begins to explain that they are new members of the Red Hoods, to which the eyepatched leader leans down into his face as ask "If you are Red Hoods... then where are ye Red Hoods?" to which Lint responds with a hesitated punch. The attack goes wide and the Bugbears march the party north towards "the Boss".

The party is pushed into what looks like a wizard's workshop, a strange rat scurries away from the party watching them from beneath supplies. Lint talking to the small creature hears it endless shouting to an unseen master "They're here! They're here! Tell me what to do! They're here!" before finally the rat scurries under the door leading to the east. While checking the room Bami finds what looks like to be a journal written in dwarfish.

Trying to avoid angering the bugbears Lint begins pounding on the office door of "The Boss" before finally slowly opening the heavy iron door. Glasstaff was waiting for them lying on the floor near death as above him stood a strange lizard-like humanoid with a vibrant orange crest upon its head as it stood over the body before ripping into the wizards chest. A poof of smoke comes from where the rat had been as the wizards familiar dies as he dies. Coming around the corner to see what is taking so long the Bugbears roar in a rage seeing their boss dead at this lizard's feet.

A lengthy battle ensues that sees the lizard fall to the enraged bugbears as Norbert goes mad trying to save the lizard screaming "WE HAD A DEAL" within the heads of all around him, Bami demonstrates his prowess in battle sending firebolts into the heads of each of the three bugbears, while Lint again falls in battle. As the last bugbear falls Kiki manages to stabilize Lint however the spark of life fades from the strange lizard who had killed Glasstaff alone before the party arrived.

As the lizard died a ghostly voice whispers the name "Xilunwa" causing Norbert to go into a frenzy, his large green eye turning a blazing red as every muscle in the creature seized up and he made his final scream, falling backwards from the lizard, lifeless. In the chaos of the death of these two strange creatures Lint and Bami both gain possession and squabble over the mysterious Glasstaff, a perfect 4-foot shaft of clear glass that has a warm glow around it. As the party argued over the loot the lizard somehow reawakened, looking as if it had seen a ghost.

Utilizing the bed chamber of the now dead Glasstaff the party loots the room, finding a note pointing towards the location of a castle to the north. The party then rests, finally clearing the town of the red-hooded lowlifes.

Day 4 - The Sheriffs of Phandalin
Waking up sore and exhausted the newly formed party of Lint, Bami, Kiki, and Xilunwa the lizard all slowly rise and start to question and get to know each other.